weird.

It's a well known fact about me that I'm pagan, and I have been for ten years, my devotion to my craft has always stayed the same. I still perk up with interest when I discover a piece of information that has anything remotely to do with my spirituality, it's actually a very deep very geek-like bit of hunger I have inside me. I can never seem to learn enough about my craft I am always hungry and searching for more. It was said that is what makes a pagan a true practitioner of the craft, the constant search for knowledge, wisdom and the ability to share it and pass it on with others.

More often then not I've taken to not wearing my religion on my sleeve like I did when I first discovered my path through the woods, and while I am still passionate about defending my religion to...other people who liken to ignorance over intelligence. But something today made me feel fiercely proud of my paganism.

As of tonight at midnight it'll be ten years since my first initiation. I held a mini-celebration last may when the three three's of years that had passed came to be, but something was missing. Something very vital to my paganism.

The person who instigated and introduced me fully to wicca, witchcraft and then supported my adventurous steps out of the sparkly teen-minded enthrallment and truly learned what it was to be pagan. In honour of another one of her effects on my life I will call her 'She Who Must Not Be Named' since she got me HOOKED on HP. Bitch.

You-know-who stepped out of our friendship a few years passed and while it cut me to the quick I've come to accept that well, we've washed our hands of each other, (me doing so despite my being in total darkness as to why) and have mourned the passing of our friendship. Today You-Know-Who practically smacked me in the face. As I was busing home, I realized I was nearly staring her older brother in the face as he got on the bus. I nearly didn't recognize him with his frothy beard (Srsly dood, I almost spoke to you, your beard is crazy!!) and I had a moment of pure panic as I looked around for his sister. You-know-who wasn't on the bus and when I realized that I kinda balked at myself. I don't care about this person anymore, they're nothing more then a stranger to me, and instead of dwelling on this, I went back to my book and enjoyed the rest of my long ride home.

Huh.

It dawned on me while I was fiddling around a moment if this was a portent or sign. It prompted me to write about it to sust out the conclusion.

I'm back tracking at this point. Ms. Dragon-fly is going through a rough time (to say the least) her life and she, being religious (of a different denomination) asked for a sign from her god. She got one. She asked my opinion on signs and portents and if I believed in them. I do. So when she told me what she asked and what her sign was, I told her to take it in both hands and fucking race like the wind. I really truely hope she does. Seeing her happy would make my day, but I digress.
Signs and portents. Subtle hints, and nudges from the gods telling you which way to go to succeed, or fail and learn a lesson you need to learn.
The key word is subtle. Who ever nudged me might as well have smacked me in the face.

I wonder if I should contact her, or accept that the acknowledgment of apathy and continue on my merry way.

The only reason I am perturbed about this is, of course, the anniversary and her original involvement.

I'm baffled.

Also.

Its fucking BEAUTIFUL right now. There are plants in full bud and bloom everywhere. I can't wait for more flowers. Really I see them coming up everywhere and I am so excited!

BELTAIN!!