Well, since I know only a few of you read this (HELLO!) I can't really say to much in the way of an apology. I'm a dick.
Ehm.
Whaaats new.
OH SNAP.
Art shows. Drowning in art. You want to know why I wasn't blogging? I was painting. srsly.
check that shit out.
Thats about it.
YAY!!
New signature 'I'd rather be painting.' It's true. I would be. What?
Time for some sleep. Love you bitches!!
Friday, April 23, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Black Tar
It's gumming me up inside, I'm clogged with darkness.
I can't express it, it's run through me again and again, red hot, then cooling and holding me, squeezing me, smothering me.
Do you know what its like to wake up in the middle of the night, panicking, gasping for a breath you've lost in the darkness, trying to calm the racing pulse in your ears, swallowing dry mouthfuls of air trying to breathe, to control yourself, only to break down into cold sweats and tears, shaking like a leaf, trembling as your muscles clench and freeze up and relax and go numb all at the same time, no control of your body, to hear the whimpers and realize they're your own?
Do you know what it's like?
Do you?
I don't think you do. If you did, would this be the story we tell about how it all went down?
I think now, that if you did, you wouldn't be dead inside. But you are. Dead or dying.
Have you accepted it yet?
The shell that is your life, cradled around an empty pit.
You wish you were a poet and had words like mine, but all you are is meat to be wasted, blood to run over cold stones and bones to lay out under the sun, and not even carrion scavengers would grace you with their presence.
One day, when I catch my breath, and I calm myself and I can look out into the night again, you'll be dead to me too, as you should be.
I can't express it, it's run through me again and again, red hot, then cooling and holding me, squeezing me, smothering me.
Do you know what its like to wake up in the middle of the night, panicking, gasping for a breath you've lost in the darkness, trying to calm the racing pulse in your ears, swallowing dry mouthfuls of air trying to breathe, to control yourself, only to break down into cold sweats and tears, shaking like a leaf, trembling as your muscles clench and freeze up and relax and go numb all at the same time, no control of your body, to hear the whimpers and realize they're your own?
Do you know what it's like?
Do you?
I don't think you do. If you did, would this be the story we tell about how it all went down?
I think now, that if you did, you wouldn't be dead inside. But you are. Dead or dying.
Have you accepted it yet?
The shell that is your life, cradled around an empty pit.
You wish you were a poet and had words like mine, but all you are is meat to be wasted, blood to run over cold stones and bones to lay out under the sun, and not even carrion scavengers would grace you with their presence.
One day, when I catch my breath, and I calm myself and I can look out into the night again, you'll be dead to me too, as you should be.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Oh, look what I found
Yah that's right! Happy belated birthday gift, Vade, for the last two years -sheepish smile-
Monday, February 15, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
Realization
Its not the company I'll miss so much, because I have loads of friends who love and adore me, its the mind-blowing, body-breaking multi-orgasmning sex I'm going to miss...
Oh priorities, how I adore you.
Oh priorities, how I adore you.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Retail Therapy, Beer and more
Yesterday I had a date with a friend, nothing special, just meet up after work for a beer and shoot the shit since I've been, for lack of a better word, through a rough fucking week. ROUGH, people.
It was nice to go out for a bit, chill, and just hang out, nothing special, no pretenses, no expectations, just fun. FUN. Stress-free FUN. It was epic.
Anyway, February being normally fuck-butting cold, was delightfully balmy yesterday, so I was only wearing a light sweater when I went to my friends the night before, for some post-break-up cuddles, and not being bright, realized that once the sun-goes down it's COLD again. SO I was fucked cause I knew I'd be out late, in a light fall sweater, freezing. So desperate times call for desperate measures and I went to Gap.
Me and Gap have this love hate relationship. They hate to sell clothes that fit me, I hate to shop there, but I love their sales. I mean, I LOVE their sales, I don't know if its like a gap sale spidey sense, but I can go in, find the ONE item on the rack that fits me, and is marked down 98% but I do. Everytime. Case in point. Last night. $90 dollar angora wool blend, marked down to $11.99.
12 DOLLARS FOR AN ANGORA WOOL SWEATER PEOPLE!! 12 FUCKING DOLLARS!!! MY PITCHER OF BEER WAS 6 BUCKS MORE!!!
Its soft, creamy white, with a double breasted collar...I know why don't I just show you!??!
its the one in grey, but mine is creamy delicious white.
AND SOFT.
AND 12 DOLLARS!
I was so warm last night, it was toasty.
Oh and I discovered I can share a pitcher of beer with one person and not get drunk anymore...I don't know what that says about me or my drinking these days, but gods damn. GODS DAMN.
Oh, and I got laid. All Night Long. I am exhausted, a little hungover and wearing my new sweater.
HAH, oh gods.
It was nice to go out for a bit, chill, and just hang out, nothing special, no pretenses, no expectations, just fun. FUN. Stress-free FUN. It was epic.
Anyway, February being normally fuck-butting cold, was delightfully balmy yesterday, so I was only wearing a light sweater when I went to my friends the night before, for some post-break-up cuddles, and not being bright, realized that once the sun-goes down it's COLD again. SO I was fucked cause I knew I'd be out late, in a light fall sweater, freezing. So desperate times call for desperate measures and I went to Gap.
Me and Gap have this love hate relationship. They hate to sell clothes that fit me, I hate to shop there, but I love their sales. I mean, I LOVE their sales, I don't know if its like a gap sale spidey sense, but I can go in, find the ONE item on the rack that fits me, and is marked down 98% but I do. Everytime. Case in point. Last night. $90 dollar angora wool blend, marked down to $11.99.
12 DOLLARS FOR AN ANGORA WOOL SWEATER PEOPLE!! 12 FUCKING DOLLARS!!! MY PITCHER OF BEER WAS 6 BUCKS MORE!!!
Its soft, creamy white, with a double breasted collar...I know why don't I just show you!??!
its the one in grey, but mine is creamy delicious white.
AND SOFT.
AND 12 DOLLARS!
I was so warm last night, it was toasty.
Oh and I discovered I can share a pitcher of beer with one person and not get drunk anymore...I don't know what that says about me or my drinking these days, but gods damn. GODS DAMN.
Oh, and I got laid. All Night Long. I am exhausted, a little hungover and wearing my new sweater.
HAH, oh gods.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
New Do
This was originally suppose to be for facebook but the new plug-ins suck and well, I can't be bothered to wait.
I got a cut and style yesterday, three inches of ratty dead curls and bangs! BANGS!! I'm rocking the mother-flippin' bangs!!
Personally I think I look HAAAWT, but I'm waiting on feeback from people other then my co-workers.
And yes this means I wussed out on my mohawk, what can I say, I've grown attached to my luscious curls.
.....
-waits-
I got a cut and style yesterday, three inches of ratty dead curls and bangs! BANGS!! I'm rocking the mother-flippin' bangs!!
Personally I think I look HAAAWT, but I'm waiting on feeback from people other then my co-workers.
And yes this means I wussed out on my mohawk, what can I say, I've grown attached to my luscious curls.
.....
-waits-
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Quote
Painting is the true love of my life, its the only thing that I've loved and been passionate for that hasn't broken my heart. - Me
Monday, January 11, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Miles a Minute and Going Nowhere fast
I hate this feeling I am feeling right now, its senseless, and invalid, but at the same time, I'm feeling it and its very real. Very tangible. Very not nice.
Green-eyed monsters haunt me while I slay demons of the past and dream of new fears.
Green-eyed monsters haunt me while I slay demons of the past and dream of new fears.
Monday, January 4, 2010
ART BLOG!!
Something I did to get away from elfquest over the last couple of months, a piece for Jane's World, of Darcy and Patty, ex's of Jane and Eli who come together with plans to split up the couple but end up together...SPOILED...oh well, its a nice piece. Will get around to colouring it soon.
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