100th Blog Entry!

Its been weeks in the making, I've been allowing myself to be held back by the fear of posting my 100th blog and not making it interesting enough for you all.
Well I'm not going to disappoint, and in the theme of my blog, being basically about nothing and everything and my opinions and finally accepting that I simply couldn't give a shit if I hurt someones feelings, I am going to post a monumental entry.
I hope.

Alright. Where to start, well my last post was a 100 facts about me, and it hasn't changed. I am still that crazy.

I am also still unemployed and rapidly growing more and more in debt. My stress levels are through the roof and I'm not sleeping at night. Ren, I know you don't care how little I sleep, but I do, and falling asleep half way through the afternoon isn't my ball of wax. I hate naps and I've been taking more and more of them because at night, laying in bed, I just can't sleep, I get to thinking about rent, and dog food, and snake food, and my art supplies, and my school loan, which gets me thinking about my school loan, and how much I hate my college and I hate the career I've choosen and I haven't even started to work as a paralegal but I already hate how dirty and underminded people are in this profession.

When I'm not thinking about that, I start to feel guilty because I'm worried I'm not caring for my pets properly and the guilt builds as I realize all the household bills lay in my moms lap cause me and my dad are unemployed and I slowly start to work myself into being wide awake at 3 am laying in bed wondering wtf I'm going to do.

I know what I want to do, but until I've got my debts in order, I can't do any of it. And the worst is, before all this happened, I went on the greatest trip of my life. I went to probably the most boring place a person could pick to go, but I went for all the wrong reasons, ( a guy ) and everything turned out marvelous. I came home, on an absolute high from my trip and discovering this relationship, I've been lucky enough to use it as a safety blanket when I start feeling low.

Which is another thing, bring home all the time makes a person go crazy. I can literally feel my self image dropping everyday I dont' get a job, because my sense of self-worth is just out the window not working and earning. I get stressed, I get guilty, I get depressed. I hate being depressed, its been building pretty much constantly since I came home from Toronto, and its really frustrating, you know when you KNOW something is happening to you, and yet no matter what you do, nothing can stop it from happening. Its still beating you down? I hate fighting I do, and thats what I'm doing, I'm waging an inner battle with myself and I can feel myself losing.

And then I start complaining and I really hate listening to people whine. Especially about situations they get themselves into without using thier brains in their heads. I mean, seriously how can you pretend to be so blind you don't see the shitty situation you're in? Is it because you're head is so far stuffed up your own ass you're can't see anything but your own petty disillusions? I mean really, you are all smart people, fucking use your heads.

As an example. I'm sharing a toke with my parents and we start talking about gas prices, and then we get stared talking about the economy, and food-wars, and the weather patterns and soon my dad is telling me that by the time I'm his age, we're going to be heading into the real global warming and we'll have no food because everyone thinks corn is going to save our ass, when all corn does is bleach the ground and turn it into desert, so we're going to have no rich soil cause all our farm land is being boughten up by governments to grow corn for ethonal. ETHOFUCKINGAL. CARS RUN ON ALCOHOL better then they run on gas or ethonal. Anyway he goes on his huge rant that starts to make sense in my head and I'm thinking and I realize he has a point and it saddens me because my dad, while being a great man in his own rights is a hermit and won't go out and tell people this, I see a cavalcade of fucking SUV's and Ubertrucks parked on my street.

I learn about a car company in Germaine Quebec that has designed and manufactures smart-electronic cars for under 5000$ canadian, and you AREN"T EVEN ALLOWED TO DRIVE THEM IN CANADA (well except B.C). Which brings me to another point, all of our hydro plants, and power plants are slowly rusting away and we're going to be facing not only a food crisis, but an energy crisis also, and people are shitting bricks about nuke-power. FUCK Yah, it;s dangerous cause all the nuke plants are fifty years old and seventy years out dated by technology, but if we had nuke plants that were updated and to code, at least we won't have worry about energy. Which brings me back to gas, I heard the other day that the major family...erm corporations were approached by a world body about the current price of gas, and that it was too high, and if they could all work to gether to fix out oil crisis, we might last another hundred years if america doesn't pick a fight with a country they can't handle. (Gods please, they aren't the biggest kids on the playground anymore, teach them to keep their fat traps shut!)
Anyway, the oil-mongerers said pretty much too bad, you made this bed, now lie in you fuckers.

In the mean time, American Idol is getting more fan response then the war over in afganistan and iraq. WTF PEOPLE. Does anyone even know whats going on ever there?
OKay, maybe some people do, but I don't and its freakin' me out, the war on terror, Al queda, Osama Bin Crazy-mofo, so what has anyone heard anything about the actual terrorists or are we just running around with our pants down? I think we are.

I try to stay updated but when all the media networks are more concerned that Paris Hilton wants to be knocked up in '09, I tend to ignore the news. Seriously. wtf. The world would be a better place if everyone in hollywood was piled into airtight shipping containers and dropped to the bottom of the deepest pit in the ocean. For one, we wouldn't have to deal with all the tripe coming out of hollywood these days...The Love Guru? You Don't Mess With The Zohan? WTF!! Two, all the money that DOES get spent on these stupid people, and these stupid movies might be spent on oh, I don't know, attempting to resolve the worlds issues by people actually going outside and LOOKING AROUND.

I know its a bit hypocritical of me to say this, as I am sat INDOORS at my computer, but on my defense I do go out, I do see the world, I listen, I watch and I am very very aware of how TRUELY fucked we are.

Also, I've put my sketchbook away, I have ONE picture I MUST finished for a friend, but after that I'm done. I can't do it anymore. I'm not even sure why, but I can't. On the upside. I'm writing, I have a couple dozen little poems I've written and I'm working on a story. Mostly for shits and giggles, but I'm loving it simply cause I just sit down and write and don't plot anything. HAH I hope you guys like it when I post it. :D

I do plan on finishing A Look Through, probably in the next day or two, but for anyone of you who like my blog, check out this thingy I have going, the button for Verveearth, as far as I can see, its google earth for blogs, its pretty cool, I have to start checking out my neighbours and see whats going on outside my bubble.

DSG? I love you!
Bish? When the hell are you getting back from Majorca? We misses you!
Ren? Wake up from your nap.
Rio? You're my lovely lady <3
Beth? You're awesome, make with the watercolours.
Vade? Stop fucking disappearing for days on end, and give us a fucking long post already!
And to everyone else? I know I'm crazy, but thats why you love me and keep coming back.

So was this post long enough for you? I hope so, I just heard the first rumble of thunder for this year, in canada, (I heard LOTS when I was in OKLAHOMA, that would be one reason why I would live in OKC, the fucking weather is REDONKULOUS...oh and DSG -nuzzles-)

OOOOH

And you all know how my dad is the orchid king? I totally outdid him, and got my hands on a yellow pepper phalaenopsis. he's always wanted a yellow orchid and now, I have my very own. Its got FOUR open blossoms and is very very very pretty. I love me some crazy parasite plants!

Also, they look like vagina's. HAHAH!!