if gonads came in strap on, I'd need to put on a pair.

Srsly.

I need a pair right now.

I am facing, probably the hardest email I've ever had to write. And I'm not at all sure I want to know the response, but if I don't do it, its just gonna wear on me until I finally snap.

So? why don't I write it, why am I sitting here blogging about it? Cause I'm a chicken shit thats why.

I need either REALLY strong booze, or REALLY good smoke to make this happen.

and moral support. lots and lots of moral support.

BEEEEH.

So I had this friend. We're gonna call her...Nurse Tickler, yah.

Anyway Nurse Tickler and I had been friends for going on 9 years, we met in high school when I was 16 and we (aside from a few bumps in the road) were fast friends, seriously I can think of very few things I did without her in the last 9 years, we got drunk together, she was there when I got my labret pierced, I mean, she was even the force that got me into wicca waaay back when we were young mumps, I mean for fuck sake, half the reason I'm as good an artist is because of her CONSTANT badgering for me to draw more.

Anyway, over 2006 we started making other friends and we spent less and less time together, then over the x-mas season of 2007 she literally drops me like a bad habit, we don't talk, email, chat, call, hang out, nothing, I don't hear from her at all. I email her, nada response, it grew frustrating and at one point I said, well fine if you don't want to at least have the decency to tell me what the fuck is going on, fine, fuck and you too. I wrote her off.

Or at least I tried too, her birthday rolled around, and I realized, we'd spent every single one of our birthdays together in our friendship, and it sucked. So. I called her and left a message. nothing back. Come a few weeks later, a mutual friend (more close to Nurse then me) emails me up and asks if I know how to get a hold of her, I cave and I called her dad, and she answered. I was shocked. I let her know her friend was trying to get a hold of her and that was it. BONEHEAD I should have asked her then, but I was kinda amazed I didn't get the answering machine or her dad.

Since then, its been chewing on me, why? What did I do, or not do to piss her off so much that she turned her back on our friendship of nine years. I 'covertly' asked a couple people we both know and while this sounds insanely conspiracy theory, they all shrugged and turned a blind eye to my questions.

Well, its been little over a year and while I've maintained a fairly drama free year (HOLY SHIT IS IT POSSIBLE?) this fucking monkey on my back won't piss off. I want to know.

SO. Again, I ask a mutual friend to get a hold of her for me, and I get back through the grape vine of said friend of Nurse's and I's, a 'she has my email.' YAH I have her email but does she respond to me? No.

AND here I am, on the ragged edge facing the most difficult email I've ever had to write and I DON'T even know if I want to know WHY.

head, meet desk. - WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM -

in other news?

I really fucking want to go back to Oklahoma. I miss my dsg. poopies.